If Chris Berman were indeed still alive, and not just some hologram or rejected Chuck E. Cheese animatronic figure at this point, he probably wouldn’t be going on the air saying, “NO ONE BLOWS THEIR OWN DICK OFF LIKE THE BUFFALO BILLS! ” Not because it’s not true, but because he hasn’t updated any of his catchphrases since the Clinton administration.
Either way, it’s getting harder to believe that it was just a little less than two years ago when the Bills were mere seconds away from knocking off the Chiefs at Arrowhead Stadium in the playoffs. Of course, only the Bills can prove that 13 seconds can hold crowds if you want it to.
Ever since that self-immolation, the Bills have been down, like something broke inside them and no matter how desperately they try to drown it in whatever they can find, it’s still gnawing at them. If you can’t fix what’s broken, you’ll go crazy.
Insane, like sending two straight zero blitzes to Russell Wilson with the game on the line. Not only would even Wilson figure out what to do with a second try, but it was completely unnecessary. The Broncos were stuck 45 yards from the end zone on third down, and all the Bills had to do was prevent them from gaining 10 yards on the next two plays to win the game. Since Wilson averaged about two and a half feet per pass all night, it shouldn’t have been that difficult. Instead, Sean McDermott gave Wilson the chance to throw an alley-oop in one-on-one coverage, where two of the four possibilities are bad. Taron Johnson never got his head around the predictable PI, leaving Denver in the shot put range.
But any team can do it. Happens to just about everyone. Just take one itchy ref. Experts in setting one’s eyebrows on fire need to take the extra step. Or the extra man in this case as it were. Wil Lutz missed said drive, but in the hustle that Sean Payton also provided quite unnecessarily by taking a knee and then moving the field goal team out there with 10 seconds left to make sure there was no time on the clock when it was not over, the Bills forgot to get the necessary players off the field and left one extra lying around. Lutz got a second shot – game over, Bills in limbo.
The Bills certainly couldn’t argue that they deserved to win. They turned the ball over on the first play of the game, then watched Josh Allen yahoo his way to three more turnovers. They hung a Denver team that took 10 penalties all night, then invited them to dinner when they wouldn’t get off the turf.
Ever heard the sound of a window closing?
The Bills have the Eagles, Chiefs, Cowboys, Chargers and Dolphins left on the schedule as they sit at 5-5. The thing about hoping that a talented team is just going to pull it together is the hope clouds the reality. The Bills have shown just about everyone who they are now, a team that finds a way to get it as often as they come through, and probably more so. Their coach will outplay himself at least once a game. Allen has become a “more cookie bell” QB. Turnovers and stupid decisions are a lot for a team to overcome every week. They’ll flash one more time, and their fans will think it’s a corner being turned. There’s another rake around the corner, and the Bills won’t miss it.
Jim Harbaugh thinks Michigan is America’s team
Speaking of losing your mind:
Someone should probably point out to Harbaugh Marx here that what Michigan is being accused of (funny and pointless) is not overcoming the odds, but trying to bend them. While this may be the stupidest “scandal” in recent sports history, the idea of cheating is the exact opposite of being the underdog. Yes, every team looks for any excuse to play the “Us vs. Everyone” card, even when the US is responsible for everything that goes against them.
But Harbaugh is right in one sense, though he doesn’t know it. America loves someone who takes the easy road to victory and success. Be willing to do what the other guy won’t, or can’t, or hasn’t thought of, or thinks no one else would. It’s a country built on guys looking for the shortcut to the top.
So yes, maybe Michigan is America’s team.
Follow Sam on Twitter @Felsgate and on Bluesky @felsgate.bsky.social
